Vent

[DezzyBee]

Hey guys! I usually don't make a habit of this but I've lost ALL my venting sources in one short two-month period and I'm sort of frustrated with life right now. No one has to reply to this, I don't really need advice because I've been through some of this enough to know what I'm doing... I just need to get it out. Psychotherapy yknow?

So here goes.

I've been running forums since I was 12. I started my first forum Everything Burns back then and the universe that's built around it is still in tact and has turned into a three-novel series (novel 1 is half done, and the other two aren't even anywhere close.) That said, I feel like I know what I'm doing (most days) when it comes to FD... except I've always struggled to get MEMBERS. When I've brought members in through advertising on other sites/via word of mouth/etc. we end up with half-ass members that either
a) no nothing about the FF7 universe.
b) ONLY know the FF7 universe to fan-girl-squealing-levels. These are usually people that only want to play ONE character and if they can't have them they make a character that is MEANT TO BE with that character.
c) are truly, honestly, and brutally horrible at RPing.

When I say horrible at RPing, I don't mean minor grammar mistakes, or even spelling mistakes... that stuff can be retaught (ie. I started a RP lesson board at one point in time trying to help them.) I mean... They research nothing about who they're Rping with. They have TERRIBLE respect for the fellow RPers, they barely have a grasp on their own character, and they GOD MOD LIKE MOFOS!

I am guilty of my fair share of God Modding. As a matter of fact one day I want to make a forum where that's what you do. You god mod. Your character(s) are Gods/Goddess/Spawn of Deities. But I know there's a time and a place for it (like NEVER and ONLY ON THIS DREAM FORUM OF MINE.)

I research who I'm rping with. Sometimes I even like PMing back and forth with the owner to sorta plot things out. Most of the time I don't. I read Leon's profile THREE TIMES before I even considered replying to Rainy Day Excitement. While I don't know his character well, I know what's in his profile at least!

I ALWAYS have a grasp on my character before I present them to someone else. I do writing prompts with them. How would they react to this? What if they were in this situation? Etc. Etc.

Dezzy is pretty old by this point. While I can't always gauge her reaction without seeing the situation, I have a pretty fair estimate on what she's going to do. The only characters I can roleplay better than her is my VERY FIRST Character Daleeria... and Rufus Shinra (I rp'd him on three different sites for almost three years running.)

So I'm scared of advertising again. So many forums these days have anti-advertising rules. I don't know where to START advertising. I don't know WHEN to start advertising. I could start now, yes, but I'm not even completely ready to show the site off to anyone else yet! I have SO many things I want to do this week.

But I work. I work hard. I'm a cook. I spend 20+ hours a week in a hot sweaty kitchen slaving away for customers that don't know my name or face and could care less. I come home and I feel like I get nothing done on here yet I have SO many ideas of things I could do! Contest ideas, design ideas, rp ideas, storyline ideas, etc etc etc. Yet I leave work inspired to work on things... and I pass out at home, or I get sick from something I ate (lactose intolerant, many allergies and probably gluten intolerate too but f. that. shit. I love gluten and glutenous things!!!!!!

Guys I SERIOUSLY have a BOX- a LARGE BOX of prizes for contests... like even COOL SHIT like a Gundam Model I got one year at an Anime Convention. I have POSTERS and DRAWINGS, and GRAPHICS galore. I have PRINTS that I purchased before I left of various FF7 related artstuffs for prizes for contests that I never got to hold. I have things that I literally just THREW in the FD Contest Prize for the hell of it.

I'm not giving up on FD. Like not even close. I just back on again and I have SO much hope to get this up and running. I just wish there was more TIME and ENERGY in my life to give this baby the love and attention she deserves.

BTW kids... never work in a damn kitchen. It's backbreaking, soul-crushing, life-draining work that I wish I could get out of but... I love what I do too much and I have NO other discernible skills in my life to get me through.

Sorry for the depressing rant thing. I love you all and appreciate your patience and kindness. I've honestly never felt so welcomed back in my life. I just hope I can do it justice.

[Leon Walter Deltova]

I, firstly, wanted to say thank you haha. I appreciate the complements you've so lavishly given me. Secondly, I wanted to say that I whole-kindheartedly am here for you. Should you ever need someone to talk to, by all means, contact me! I try to be as good a listener, and the voice of wisdom when I can for all of my friends.

Thirdly, I know how you feel about advertising and working with people who seem to have no idea how to RP. Trust me, I've been through a lot of different things concerning the level of understanding that goes into making a character pop into existence and continue to live as a character should, albeit with a few cuts and broken bones here and there. It all adds to the development of, firstly, the character, and secondly, and most importantly, you as an RPer. When you learn how to better portray your character and still make sense to others, you learn how to write a more convincing story for that character, and in the place of an RP, it makes it more enticing for others to reply more thoughtfully.

I have been mulling over this problem myself as of late. I want to see people scampering through the fields of FD, role-playing and making glorious combat with foes that they create. Ahh... youth. I know I'm only 22, but I've seen and done a lot of things that older people can say that they have. Hell, I've even published a freaking book on the internet... what it's name is? I haven't the foggiest idea anymore, due to it having been finished in freshman year of high school... But I'm deviating from my point. I have been questioning where and who to pitch the site to, even in its current state. I want people who can help get the place up and running again, not to say new mods, but new members who understand what they are doing, and are willing to help make the place more active. I've got a few ideas already on who to ask to come, but at the same rate, it's not enough.

As far as the ideas for your contests go, and for the things that you want to do to make the place look and feel better, I am willing to drop ideas and, if the need arises, throw my hat in the proverbial ring when it comes to problem solving. I am, unfortunately, unfamiliar with the programing that ProBoards uses for their webpages, but I'm sure with enough time, I'll be able to piece together one or two things. I've got some ideas for themes, but I myself have no talent at art, my skill goes into writing and conversing.

Lastly, I want to leave this little tidbit. From personal experience, when it comes to getting people to be more interested in writing and creating something, I find that it's easier to, in some cases, lump them together with people who have a similar style of writing. Make suggestions to them and engage them to write out more than what they simply want to say. In other cases, I have found that working with a person individually, through either a private RP or through PM RPs, or hell, even chatting through PMs or on Facebook. It all helps them to think about how they can go back and write out a bit more. Maybe a bit more. Keep working on it by making suggestions to them and seeing what they can figure out for themselves and what they may need to be broken into and seemingly left to work with. This is all from my experience at DMing for DnD and surprisingly, it's worked quite well.

Anyhow, I've rambled enough. I'm here to help both with the site and personally, and I'm willing to be an ear for people.

[DezzyBee]

There is nothing wrong with feeling old and only being 22. I'm going on 24 this September and I feel like I'm 94 some days! 12 years in the roleplaying universe is a lot! After all, most people only really roleplay for a certain stage of life and then they "grow out" of it. I don't think I could ever grow out of RPing.

I honestly am thinking of approaching this place like I approach my kitchen... once we get the right core people in here (a group of strong active RPers and a strong admin staff) I feel like everything can be built around that. We had a total change of roster line up in the kitchen and since then TADA! a lot less mistakes on both Front of House and Back of House and we've drawn in some even more strong long-term employees! I feel like a situation like that could work in our favor... now it's just finding the right people to start us off!

As for the creativity, honestly that's why I'm where I am right now. I was pulled onto the staff team forever ago because of my creativity. I must admit that a LOT of it has been drained by real life situations and finishing THREE damn novels all at once. BTW I'm a super tasker. I have two computers just to support everything I do regularly online... usually all at once.

That said, I can make things once I have a good base to work with. You know, an AWESOME banner, or a beautiful inspiring background... I can build layers off of that to make everything look awesome.

I'm quickly learning how to run Proboards again. it's a lot more complicated than I remember but at the same time it's SO much more simple once you actually figure out where things are. Coding and stuff like that tends to be a piece of cake once I find where I need to be going. Today (and the rest of the week) I'm on vacation from work so I'm going to start looking into tidying up what code we do have on here and working on some other minor things.